[Download] The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World By Alan Downs, Ph.D

The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World

By: Alan Downs, Ph.D
Narrated by: Alan Downs, Ph.D
Length: 7 hours
Release date: Jun 12, 2012
Rating: 1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (48 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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The most important issue in a gay man’s life is not “coming out,” but coming to terms with the invalidating past. Despite the progress made in recent years, many gay men still wonder, “Are we better off?” The byproduct of growing up gay in a straight world continues to be the internalization of shame, rejection, and anger—a toxic cocktail that can lead to drug abuse, promiscuity, alcoholism, depression, and suicide.

Drawing on contemporary psychological research, the author’s own journey, and the stories of many of his friends and clients, Velvet Rage addresses the myth of gay pride and outlines three stages to emotional well-being for gay men. The revised and expanded edition covers issues related to gay marriage, a broader range of examples that extend beyond middle-class gay men in America, and expansion of the original discussion on living authentically as a gay man.


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40 Responses to “[Download] The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man’s World By Alan Downs, Ph.D”

  1. Lasandra Barscewski

    understanding my son
    very informative and I’ve become more understanding of my sons behavior. thank you for writing this book.

  2. Robert S. Watts

    A must-read for all gay men!
    This book takes a look at the experience dealing with Gay Shame. A look behind the curtain at the serious emitional and psychological issues many gay men are confronted with. Issues that are rarely shared outside our therapist’s office, almost never with each other, and often never acknowledged with ouselves. Alan Downs descrbes an evolution how we process being gay in a hyper-masculine culture. A journey from denyal and secrecy through compensating and proving we are loveable, and finally for a small fortunate number if us, becoming whole again.

  3. Jenine Imus

    This book is everything.
    It should be a required reading for all gay men. I’m listening for a second time in a row!

  4. Eva Ket

    Started out great but fell apart
    Would you say that listening to this book was time well-spent? Why or why not?

  5. Lucile P.

    Finally!
    I feel as if Dr. Downs had followed me since the age of three, took notes, and then wrote a book to explain the mysteries and frustrations of growing up gay in this hetero world. I strongly advise all gay men to read this important work! It will clarify and change your life for the better!

  6. Myron Fesus

    A Gay Guide To Happiness And Joy!!
    Amazing Book!! Highly Recommend It!! Truely A Gay Mans Guide To Happiness. Keeps You Engaged. A Must Buy On Your List Of Books.

  7. Rodger Benefiel

    Life changing
    Honestly helped me really cope with my sexuality and improve the relationships in my life.

  8. Barton C.

    Pioneering
    A thoughtful exploration of the wounded collective psyche of gay men. Painfully honest and remarkably vulnerable.

  9. Vaughn Zarcone

    Beautiful Book Every Gay Man Should Read
    One of the best books I’ve read in a long time. It’s a must read for any gay many wether happy or struggling with lives journey.

  10. Justin

    Very deep, learnt a lot, going for a second read.
    I enjoyed the book a lot. It has a vast array of case-in-point examples that makes it easy to digest the point the author is trying to convey. I’m going to read it a second time.

    Mr Downs casts a very wide net when describing the “typical gay male.” I feel his profile is not 100% accurate. I don’t share his opinion about it mostly because I don’t fit the profile he outlines. However, this should not prevent anyone from learning a lot from this book. I got a well of information for personal self growth. It is a great book.

  11. Ward Teet

    Very informative and striking!
    What made the experience of listening to The Velvet Rage the most enjoyable?

  12. Jame Hepa

    Amazingly thought provoking.
    I just finished listening to this book and the one think I know for sure is that I wish I had read it years ago. It opened up some very interesting paths for me to think about and investigate.

  13. Noelle Kwiecinski

    Simple enlightening
    This is one of the most interesting and life changing books I have ever read. I heard of it first 4 years ago from a friend and only now while facing a challenging situation, I decided to buy and listen to it. It simply got me hooked, I couldn’t stop reading and reconnected to what I feel I needed. It grounds authenticity, love, passion and purpose into that space where you want to live your life from. Absolutely incredible, profound and eye opening. Thanks for writing this.

  14. Angelic Palecek

    Application Beyond Target Audience
    Well this book delivers on its focus and intention, the application of the brilliant content within can and will reach those far beyond its demographic.

  15. Enrique Hals

    Immensely valuable regardless of your orientation
    The amount of insight into interpersonal relationships and learning how to recognize anti-patterns in ones own behavior is profound. I highly recommend this book to everyone who has ever experienced shame or felt they were taking emotional baggage into a relationship. As a straight man, I didn’t expect to learn as much about myself as I did, but there are definitely parallels to be drawn and similar experiences I’ve had as an atheist in regards to feeling that ‘something is wrong with me.’

  16. Xiao Trombley

    A must-read for every gay man
    Written by a gay psychologist who writes as though you are an intimate friend, he outlines three phases of gay life. His writing helps me understand behaviors I have and thing I need to be cognizant of to be a good life partner and to find contentment in life. I was able to expand my lexicon to be able to talk about difficult concepts and behaviors that I previously didn’t have terms for. It’s helped my partner and me talk through difficult things. It truly is a must-read for every gay man.

  17. Alycia Shumsky

    Challenging but also rewarding!
    I enjoyed the fact that the book was narrated by the author as it added to the authenticity of his story. It is not an easy book to listen to not because it is not a good book but because the book challenges you to ask difficult questions about your identity and sexuality.

    I have great respect for how Alan handle the difficult topics and the honesty in sharing his own life stories. This book has had a big impact on me and I think it will continue to have a lasting impact.

  18. Jules Wyne

    Great book!
    The single most insightful and life-changing book I have read this far. I highly suggest it for almost anyone.

  19. Nilda Beik

    A section that repeats
    This book had a section that repeated itself from an earlier section. I don’t remember where but I remember hearing the same thing twice.

    Overall interesting concepts, some of the stories were boring tbh.

  20. Nedra Charle

    Fight Against The Rage!
    Great overview of gay men, coming out and overcoming the emotional obstacles that block gays from discovering true fulfillment. I enjoyed this book however some of it was redundant. Alan’s narrative is slow and slightly boring. The book lagged in momentum and at times I lost interest. The velvet rage overall was very difficult to get through and completely listen to. It could have been better.

  21. Maryrose Decato

    A Series of Unfortunate Events
    The author presents his theory on why (some) gay men cause self harm thru bad life choices. Essentially boils down to internalized ‘gay shame’ in various manifestations. It’s an idea, take it of leave it.

  22. Reginald Pressnell

    a great updated version to the original book
    Excellent. I’m going to listen to it a second time very soon. a must read

  23. Emile Lafaver

    Sensational
    I just finished this and am still letting the information sink in. If you are experiencing challenges in your personal life And you are a gay man with an urban lifestyle (or longing), I think this can be tremendously helpful in gaining perspective. I am currently working on overcoming infidelity and quickly realized by reading this book that some of the reasons my marriage derailed have much to do with a lack of focus on authenticity. I believe the skills chapter is tremendously helpful and will recommend this to all my friends and family. Just excellent.

  24. Nathan

    absolutely enlightening
    this book offers incredible into the lives of gay men. so many of the stories and analyses apply to me or even men I know. definitely worth the listen/ read.
    Narrator/ author is slightly monotone but that did not bother me after.

  25. Stewart M.

    This book did help
    I’ve been to counseling four times now (out of six sessions that I can get at uni) and I can honestly say this book was more helpful. It introduced me to a lot of new ideas around sexuality and one’s own feelings about it.

  26. Julienne Altobell

    Unbelievably spot on!
    one of, if not THE most important books any gay man can read in his entire life I only wish I had read it sooner!

  27. Humberto P.

    Thank you! I don’t
    I am a homosexual man in his mid 20’s. Latino and catholic and wanted to thank all of u involved in the Velvet Rose for such a wonderful story. Thank you for sharing. These skills I will focus on and practice them. Here’s to your content passion and love.

  28. Alonso Donota

    Worth Every Second
    I was encouraged to read this book by my boyfriend, without fully understanding the immense impact it would have on my life and relationship. Not only does this book really hit home, but it also provides an in depth outline of practicable life skills to create a more satisfactory and at peace life.

  29. Murray C.

    A must read for a gay man
    I felt every other story was talking to me. I feel a better person already

  30. Olin Barnhardt

    Grateful Listener
    It is written and performed in intelligent and thought
    Provoking manner- life explaining and changing.

    Thank You

  31. Herlinda Norquist

    A Full Understanding of My Gay Self
    Alan Downs did something that I didn’t think was possible in this book. He broke down the struggles of being a gay person in this world and gave us some steps for making the most of the life we have left on this world. If I could I would buy this book for every single gay person on this planet because I believe our community needs this book and all it’s advice more than ever right now. It’s sad to think there are gays out there that may never hear this wisdom that Alan Downs speaks in this book. I for one will do my best to spread this knowledge as far and wide as I can. Being a YouTuber and public figure myself I plan on telling people about this book as often as I possibly can. He literally answered some of the questions I had no idea how to ask to get the answers.

  32. Tech_Oso

    Gay mans food for thought
    This book will provoke inner dialogue with yourself about why you are how you are. It is a guide to being a man and getting to accepting your responsibility to your self and you definition of finding your happiness.

  33. Joey Horen

    Generalization of all gay men!
    What did you like best about The Velvet Rage? What did you like least?

  34. Yong Nield

    Amazing
    This book finally provided me answers to questions I have been asking over a lifetime.
    A

  35. Customer

    Incredibly validating
    I’ve never encountered such an eloquent and precise articulation of what it’s like to be a gay man. Required reading.

  36. Jesse

    Love Joy Fulfillment.
    “Do what will bring you peace.” I can’t imagine how my life would have changed had I found this book 4 years ago. Please read it and share it.

  37. Krishna Rolla

    Wonderful
    This book has really helped me in my life journey and accepting who I am as a whole

  38. Anonymous User

    Excellent
    A wonderful book full of insightment that can surely be life changing for many people

  39. Robbie Pitsenbarger

    What a Insightful Book for Everyone
    I actually returned this book before buying it again on the suggestion of several top 10 best gay books lists.

    I originally returned it after the second chapter or so. It kept referring to “the gay man this and the gay man that” . I wasn’t always that man and assumed wrongly that was the book. It picks up rather quickly so keep in it.

    It gives insight into how you may have gotten to where you are. I could see myself and others I know described in this book. It ends with different ways to work on finding peace. I highly recommend this book.

  40. Michael Muñoz

    Wow! Simply brilliant.
    First off the narrators voice (Alan Downs) was so soothing! This book most definitely met my expectations and then some. I would like to say I wish I came across this book earlier BUT at age 35 it found me at the right time given a lot of what he explains will be better understood with more mature mindset. I loved this book immensely.

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