By: Stergio Vackimes
Length: 210 pages
Release date: Dec 24, 2013
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Blackhearted is the comedy/drama/porno adventure story of an assassin who's been driven to sarcastic and cynical boredom by an uncaring life. So far he's lived the only way he knows how: murder for hire and other colorful stuff. But things get crazier and more annoying for him than ever when a series of events spiral out of control as he's forced to kill a crime boss while avoiding that one guy from his past that really wants him dead. To do this he teams up with a semi-alcoholic coed he kidnapped and his psychopathic BFF that won't keep it in her pants no matter how many times you yell or punch her in the face as they go on an adventure involving murder, sexual harassment, fetish clubs, dropping babies and screwing around in hotel rooms.
Blackheart, the killer for hire protagonist who uses a shroud of sarcasm, cynicism and mild sociopath to cover up his feelings of boredom and loneliness. He walks around looking like a cybernetic version of Slenderman and is freaky towards the color green.
Pauneth, the aforementioned kidnapped drunk coed who spends her time eating tacos, being drunk and slowly developing massive psychological issues as she spends way too much time with total lunatics. Also she likes porn.
And last but certainly not the sanest by any means it's Icarus who, in contrast to the male Greek mythological figure that builds poorly constructed flying apparatuses out of random stuff he found on the floor outside, is a beautiful sexy redheaded female with a sunny personality, a heart of gold and a piercing smile that makes everybody want to be around her... until the moment they realize that she's a complete and total psychopathic murderess that kills, molests, mutilates and tortures everything in her path for shits, giggles and her own personal arousal.
*Loads of people were hilariously harmed and slightly sexually abused during the making of this book. Enjoy and please don't feel bad if you get sorta aroused half-way through the story. Also it involves churros in some way but I just can't remember how. 😉